Zoom Zoom: Bah-rain Boh-ring

The Bahrain GP got off to one of the most exciting starts I can remember. There was passing, jostling, and more passing. Drivers jockeyed for position over the first couple of laps, highlighted by Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton trading 3rd place a few times. For a few moments, it looked like were going to witness a race for the ages - then it got as bland as the desert backdrop.

It's still refreshing to see Ferrari struggle and a new team dominate, as Brawn is doing by winning three of the first four races. But please allow me to indulge on getting a little something off my chest. Fuck You Bahrain. Fuck you and your desert track with 50,000 spectators being preferred for its petro-dollars over Montreal's lush scenery and feverish fans. Fuck you for painting cutesy little colours onto the SAND that lines the track. You're not fooling anyone. Buffalo N.Y., Joan Rivers and the Bahrain Grand Prix: three things you cannot "pretty up", no matter how much money you throw at it. Fuck you Bahrain.

I really have nothing against Bahrain and its desert. I'm just bitter about Montreal having its F1 race revoked after 44 of the past 46 years because of unpaid ransom demands by Bernie the Pirate, only to be replaced by locales that have no F1 tradition or even much interest. Sometimes I cannot contain it. As Zach de la Rocha once so eloquently put it: "I'll give you a dose but it could never come close to the rage built up inside of me".



Congrats to Jenson Button, Sebastian Vettel and Jarno Trulli on their podium finishes. Word is that Ferrari will be upgrading their car significantly for the next race, two weeks from now in Barcelona. Can't wait to see if they can pull it off. It will also be a great opportunity to wish Fernando Alonso as little luck as possible on his home track (Lola is going to go apeshit when she reads that last part).

The Twit: Jays Are Hot Edition

Ah, so this is what fingers to keyboard feel like...I had forgotten! Taking a week and a half off has not been kind to my blogging schedule, but alas here I am with another edition of The Twit.

- I've obviously got to start with the red-hot Blue Jays. While my video game counterpart isn't doing all that well in MLB '09: The Show (current record: 3-9), the real life Jays are tearing up the junior circuit. They're doing it with an incredible display of early season hitting, combined with young arms complementing the old doctor very well. It's very rare for baseball teams to fire on all cylinders at once, though, as evidenced by Alex Rios and B.J. Ryan. But hell, I'm not going to dwell on that. Aaron Hill, Adam Lind, Marco Scutaro, Scott Rolen, Lyle Overbay et al. are fanning the flames of love in my heart. Haters will argue that it's a long season and a hot April doesn't mean much, but they're just jealous: when it comes right down to it the team you follow will either start the season well or it won't - no need to wonder what every person prefers.

- The Stanley Cup Playoffs are underway, and I'm casually interested. It's a fun tournament and I am a hockey fan (although as I've stated before I won't be writing about it much because the last thing we need is another Canadian writing a half-assed hockey blog). When your team isn't in the tournament, though, it becomes quite the test of endurance to watch hockey every night for 2 months. I'll watch the Jays instead, thank you very much. From what I have seen, however, the Bruins, Canucks and Blackhawks look real good. I'm still hoping the Capitals will squeeze their way past the Rangers because Alexander Ovechkin is the most exciting entity to watch on skates at the moment.

- When I woke up yesterday morning to watch my PVR'd Chinese Grand Prix and the first shots showed rain, I was excited. An F1 race in the rain is almost always an exciting time. I thought they coddled the drivers a little too much at first by having them start the race behind the safety car for the first 15 minutes. That was all forgotten once they got to racing. Sebastian Vettel was full value for the win, Red Bull Racing's first (Mark Webber finished second, also making this the first Red Bull one-two finish). Felipe Massa once again finished out of the points after his car died while the race was under caution: very embarassing for Ferrari. Brawn Racing was strong once again, finishing third and fourth. As an aside for those of you who follow F1 through this blog, the front defuser utilized by Brawn Racing was found to be legal by the court of arbitatrion last week. They therefore retain all their points and the rest of the grid can scramble to come up with their own variations of the Brawn Diffuser.

That's all I've got for now, but expect more posts soon!

Zoom Zoom: Play With Water, You Get Wet?

NASCAR fans who read this column will be forgiven for feeling smug this morning as I write of an F1 race that had to be stopped because of rain; only a month ago I took a shot at NASCAR for ending their crown jewel race due to a rainshower. What goes around...

The Malaysian GP was stopped with 32 of 56 scheduled laps to go. What made this particular red flag situation unacceptable is that F1's brain trust had decided to push the start time of the race an hour later to better accommodate European television viewership. This was done despite the objections of local officials, who argued that at this time of year, at that time of day, Kuala Lumpur almost always receives a torrential downpour. I guess we notch this up as another feather in Bernie Ecclestone's cap.

What we were left with was another win for Jenson Button, followed by Nick Heidfeld of BMW and Timo Glock of Toyota. If you don't follow F1 closely, those are not household names. Ferrari once again was left pointless, and Lewis Hamilton of McLaren finished 7th (I wonder what rule FIA will invoke to strip of his points this week?). Because the race was stopped with less than 3/4 of the race finished, only half the usual points were awarded.

The saddest part of the whole situation is we had a great race going. There was a number of exciting battles on the circuit, notably a fight between Lewis Hamilton and Mark Weber that saw them switch position four or five times within a few laps. The threat of rain was making some teams lose their minds, as when Ferrari sent Kimi Raikonnen out on the track on "extreme wet" tires, even though not a drop had yet fallen. Three laps later, when the rain finally started coming down, the tires were shredded and he had to pit again. Good times.

Two races down in the calendar, and trends are starting to develop:

- Brawn GP is for real. Button qualified on the pole again, and Barrichello was fourth. Two straight wins for the team means they are the ones to beat until other teams find a way to improve their front wing, which is generally being credited for their quick start.

- Ferrari are hurting. Yes, I know they generally get out to a slow start, but this is different. They look terrible out there. If things don't shape up soon, I predict heads are gonna roll.

- Williams-Toyota are fast (in practice). It looks like the car is quick, and Niko Rosberg is putting down some really fast times in practice and qualifying, but they don't see to have the car where it needs to be to compete for the Championship. Don't be surprised if they pull off a couple of wins, though.

- Lewis Hamilton is one of the best drivers in the world. That much is becoming clear this season. Sure he won a Championship last season, but this year he doesn't have a car. Kovalainen isn't even in the same galaxy when you look at what each driver is getting out of that "bagnole".

The next stop is the Chinese GP on the weekend of April 17-19. Judging by the first two races, you don't wat to miss it.

Zoom Zoom: Australian GP

As I settled in yesterday morning to watch the Australian GP, as that beautiful sound of F1 cars buzzing about reached my ears, as the sights being beamed from Melbourne reached my screen, it dawned on me: F1 is not coming to Montreal this year. It just felt so wrong as that reality began the process of settling in. No Montreal F1. No Canadian GP. Heck, no North American race.

An incredibly bittersweet feeling sat in the pit of my stomach as I watched and listened. Excited that F1 was back, devastated as I realized there would be no trip to see Montreal transformed into a big car festival this summer.

But then, as I surfed the net and emerged from my week-long slumber, I found a ray of hope. Turns out money can't buy you time, and the track being built in the United Arab Emirates is woefully behind schedule, and rumours were flying in Melbourne that Bernie would have to crawl back to the organizing committee of the Canadian GP to see if they could replace it with a race in November. This hasn't happened yet, but how fantastic would that be? Oh, and I fully support the stance organizers in Montreal are taking, basically saying "If you want back in, you come back for the long haul". That's right. You wanted to pound us with your stick when you had the long end, Bernie? Time for some payback.

As usual, politics off the track were threatening to overshadow the action that actually matters. Other than the Montreal talk, there were also a number of teams lodging protests against Brawn GP, the team that replaced Honda in the field, and their interpretation of the rules governing the front wing of the car. As I previously posted, many new rules were being brought into effect this season with the hope of cutting costs and leveling the playing field. Word is, however, that Brawn's offence is more against the "spirit" of the rule than any type of legality, so either the other teams will adapt or the FIA will clarify its rule: no sanctions are forthcoming against Brawn GP.

Whatever they did to that front wing, it worked! Brawn GP, using a Mercedes engine, were 1-2 in qualifying and 1-2 in the race. It was only the third time that a new entry to F1 has won the race. Jenson Button ended up beating Rubens Barrichello at the finish, and Lewis Hamilton in his McLaren Mercedes took third spot despite being denied his spot on the podium as the stewards tried to figure out how Jarno Trulli passed him under caution three laps from the finish. Ferrari were out of the points (sad, I know), and whatever wishes the FIA had for leveling the playing field, they achieved. We'll just have to see how things play out over the course of the season.

One complaint I had is despite all these rule changes promising more competition and more battles on track, the latter did not materialize. Only a few times during the race did we see true battles (and unfortunately the best one was aborted when Robert Kubica foolishly tried to run Sebastian Vettel off the track with three laps to go), and if I'm not mistaken the lead never changed hands. I don't hide my disdain for NASCAR, but they've got us beat in terms of leader changes and wondering who will come out on top.

But this day belonged to Ross Brawn, the architect of this new F1 team. He was the genius who teamed up with Michael Schumacher at Benetton and Ferrari, and moved to Honda once Schumi retired. Forced to build a team within a few months after Honda pulled out, he has assembled a winner. Such last minute was this endeavour that they only announced their title sponsor shortly before qualifying on Saturday. Richard Branson is getting into the F1 game by making Virgin the eye candy on these un-sexy cars (pictured, right). Call me brainwashed, but there's just something odd about seeing a race car that isn't plastered with sponsor liveries . Something tells me that after this weekend, sponsorship money will come rolling in. Such is the life of winners.