The Pimple, Week 5

This will be a quick zip through my sporting thoughts of the week, considering I haven't found the time to find a dark corner and write.

Baseball Playoffs:


- Is it normal for me to dislike an athlete as much as I dislike Alex Rodriguez? Is there something wrong with me for wishing him such distress? I may need to seek help, because when I emerged from the woods on Monday and discovered that the Yankees had been bounced by the Tigers, and that A-Rod had been relegated to 8th in the batting order due to his playoff ineptitude, I felt a surge of unbridled joy that is unnatural. Anyone know a shrink I can speak to?

- It seemed as though everyone just rolled over their opponents in the Division Series. The only result I lamented was the Dodgers losing to the Mets.

- Anyone catch that one game in Minnesota where both teams were wearing their 3rd jerseys? For anyone who isn't yet aware, I'm something of a traditionalist when it comes to sports uniforms. I thought having both teams wear their 3rd jerseys looked
awful. Something was definitely "off", especially considering Oakland and Minnesota have some of the nicer jerseys out there. Forest green with grey bottoms, coupled with navy blue and white bottoms - yikes. Contrast those unis to the ones worn by the Tigers and Yankees on Saturday, and you'll know exactly where I'm coming from.

- In a way, I'm sad the Yankees kept the faith with Joe Torre. In which way is that? It would have made George Steinbrenner and the Evil Empire even more loathable. By keeping Torre, the man who has led his team to the playoffs for the past 10 seasons, George seems almost (egads!) sane.

- Some of those Tigers throw hard. 103 mph? Goodness. Even if the gun is generous by a few mph, that's still insanity.

NHL:

- Can't say I'm surprised at the Sens slow start, but it's the fashion in which they are doing it that disheartens. There seems to be zero emotion out on the ice (except for flashes during last night's game in Montréal).

- Martin Havlat and Marian Hossa have 11 goals between them. Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza have two. Yes, it's a cheap shot. No, I will not relent.

- Am I the only one who gets a really good feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I see Guy Carbonneau behind the Habs bench? It just LOOKS right.

- 3 natural hat-tricks in one night. That's the great thing about sports - you never know when you'll see something that's never been done.

NFL:

- Here's the problem when I don't blog regularly: people beat me to the punch. A few weeks ago, I scribbled down "everybody so eager to annoint McNair King of Baltimore...not so fast". What does McNair do next? Two weeks of near futility, and now everyone is on the "bash McNair" bandwagon. That'll teach me to be consistent.

- I was pondering the continued mediocrity of the Houston Texans, and couldn't help comparing them to the Senators early years. The Senators had 4 terrible seasons to begin their franchise history, while finding a glimmer of hope in season 5 (31 wins, made playoffs). The Texans have had a similarly time in their first 4 seasons. Although I don't see them matching Ottawa's 5th season playoffs appearence, I do see that glimmer of hope for them. The major factor in the Sens turnaround was bringing in a competent Head Coach for the first time, Jacques Martin. This mirrors the Texans acquisition of Gary Kubiak to replace Dom Capers. We've immediately witnessed a turnaround if not in their record, then in the play of perennial underachiever David Carr. I predict this season to be a springboard for the Texans which will lead them to be the dominant team in Texas in the next few years.

- Speaking of Texas football, how 'bout dem Cowboys!? You know, the T.O. Fiasco is exactly what any team deserves for signing him. It is only made sweeter by the fact that it's happening to Jerry Jones and his ego. The sports landscape is filled with these characters who have been so successful in every endeavour that they believe they can do anything, including bringing miscreants to heel. We are witnessing the third and probably final installment of the T.O. Homewreckin' Show. Savour it while you can.

- Admittedly, A-Rod and T.O. are not the same type of characters. Strangely, though, their failures bring about the same type of joy within me. Again, I need to see someone about this.

- With Paul Maguire's departure from the NFL commentator's booth, we have a new King of "I'm gonna tell you what..." His name: Steve Tasker. He is virtually unable to begin a sentence without telling me he's gonna tell me what. Steve, it's not a real sentence, and although I don't expect Nobel Laureates to analyze football games for me, I do expect a certain command of the English language. "I'm gonna tell you what..." grates on me like no other verbal crutch.

- Bruce Mr. Turk brought up an interesting point while watching one of the games a few weeks ago. The colour commentator (I forget which one) kept telling us something to the effect that "teams who come into this stadium will try and simulate crowd noise in practice all week". Bruce Mr. Turk's response? "We know already! Jeez, can't they talk to us like we've watched a few NFL games in our lifetime?". Bruce Mr. Turk was, as usual, bang on with is observation. I'm sick of being spoken to as if I was the lowest common denominator, as if I was flipping over to football during a commercial break for Desperate Housewives. These guys are supposed to be NFL experts, yet they talk to us like we're either 12 years old or have never watched a game before.

- My Dolphins have replaced Daunte with some guy who used to play for the Detroit Lions. He must have been good, because the Lions are 0-5 without him.

Soccer:

- I am slowly getting very excited with the addition of Toronto FC to Major League Soccer. They have now signed their first player in franchise history, Canadian National Team member and Toronto native
Jim Brennan. The National Soccer Stadium (recently renamed BMO Place) is quickly making its imprint on the Toronto cityscape, and the rumour out there is that by 2010 we might have 3 MLS teams in Canada (Montreal and Vancouver are apparently working overtime to get this done). Could we be on the verge of a new soccer revival in Canada? One can only hope.

- Manchester United are atop the league in England, against all odds considering what Chelsea FC is paying in player salary. What's wrong with the "Special One"? Also, Everton are looking good so far this season. I might have to get up next Saturday and watch some matches!

- Beckham to MLS? This is a constant wive's tale that surfaces every once in a while concerning Mr. Posh. Grant Wahl, however, makes a logical case that the timing is perfect for Beckham to make the jump right now. I'm on the fence concerning the arrival of Beckham to North America. On the one hand it would be great PR for the league. On the other hand, the league has been steadily growing at an organic rate since its inception. Introducing this foreign species to the MLS ecosystem might signal its extinction, à la NASL.

The Joshua Tree

Way back on my old blog, I offered a review of one of the best music albums ever made, U2's "The Joshua Tree". Since I haven't blogged all week, I thought I'd post it here. New posts coming soon!

Has there ever been a better three song combo to kick off an album? Led Zeppelin IV certainly rivals The Joshua Tree in such a venture and I’m sure one of the band’s advocates could make a strong case, but I’ll stick to my guns and nominate U2’s Grammy-winning offering.

The Joshua Tree is held in the highest esteem by most U2 fans and for me only Achtung Baby reaches loftier heights. I was 10 years old when U2 released The Joshua Tree, and it remains an integral part of my childhood. U2 were cool even though they weren’t trying to be. In fact, take a look at the videos from the album’s singles and try to picture them in the same vein as Bon Jovi, Motley Crue and Poison at the height of their hair band successes – the barometer of what was “cool” at the time. It’s practically impossible to do, because U2 always marched to the beat of Larry Mullen’s drum. In fact, the videos would probably fit in to the current video landscape without raising an eyebrow.

The album pierced through all the make up and hair of the 80’s to become one of the best-selling albums of the decade. Song-by-song I will take you into The Joshua Tree, beginning of course with the three aforementioned gems, timeless pieces that will be remembered fondly even after U2 decide they’re through with conquering the musical spectrum.

Where the Streets Have No Name

It comes at you as if you’ve awakened at dawn, rays of sunshine racing towards you across the horizon, a fresh slate empowering you to tackle the day however you see fit. These are the images ingrained into my head when I hear the dreamy opening to Where the Streets Have No Name (and this before a single guitar chord is struck).

When The Edge gradually strolls in with that unforgettable delay riff, your spirits are lifted and your batteries are immediately recharged. Many interpretations can be spun from the song’s lyrics, but for me it’s always been a song of hope and a prayer to what can be. At the same time it is also an invitation to your closest love, an invitation to follow you wherever you are going, no matter what:

Where the Streets Have No Name

We’re still building then burning down love

And when I go there, I go there with you…

Some say Bono meant the title as a metaphor for Heaven, but for me it’s an allusion to a destination that hasn’t been plotted.

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

A gospel song that took the world by storm upon its release, the subtleness of the ballad was key to its success. Had Bono decided to sing “I’ve yet to find God, but I’ll keep looking”, it wouldn’t have gone over so well. Making it accessible to the masses and allowing it to be interpreted by each individual: therein lies its appeal.

I remember thinking how freakishly long Bono’s finger looked in the video, when he shakes it at the camera. The Las Vegas setting is a reminder that although they may have struck it rich, that’s not what they’re after.

With or Without You

U2 don’t really write love songs. They choose to be honest about the difficulties of love, relaying their experience and digging deep into the issues facing couples. When they do write a song that glorifies love, they seem to always add a caveat. In the case of With or Without You, the message is: “If I’ve won your love, there’s nothing left worth winning. If I lose you, I’ve lost everything.” When Bono utters “With or without you I can’t live”, he’s alluding to that very conundrum where you’ve met someone that should you win, or lose, there is no reason to go on because he/she is everything. Love song indeed.

Someone may correct me on this, but I believe the Edge’s use of a magnet over his guitar - which produces the wail you hear in this song – was a pioneering move. It was certainly the first time I heard it. That wail is such a mood-setter. Along with Adam Clayton’s fantastic baseline and Larry Mullen’s deceptively difficult drum beat, the song arduously plows through the conflicted thoughts of a man enslaved by his feelings for his lover.

A true-to-life characterization of the problems of blissful love – exactly the kind of insight into the human condition we expect from the biggest band in the world.

Bullet the Blue Sky

This song, recorded almost 20 years ago, has continued to feature in U2’s live show even though it was never released as a single. Its staying power can be credited to the song’s powerful anti-American foreign policy message, which keeps gaining relevance with every illegal American incursion and Empire-building move.

The song is rife with military and religious imagery - from Jacob’s story of redemption to the aching description of bombs striking fear into innocent women and children - this song brings us the story of the victims, the aggressor and their relative detachment from one another.

Again, subtlety is the lyrical key. For example, take this quote from the song’s spoken-word verse:

This guy comes up to me
His face red like a rose on a thorn bush
Like all the colors of a royal flush
And he's peeling off those dollar bills
Slappin' 'em down
One hundred, two hundred

The message? Money is to be made from the deaths of civilians, and Capitalists are bound to line up. American society is detached from the horrors of its foreign policy, absolving itself of blame and convincing itself that people will run into its arms, as the final verse portrays:

Across the field you see the sky ripped open
See the rain through a gaping wound
pounding on the women and children
who run...
Into the arms...of America

Perhaps that’s what Bono was alluding to when he brought up Jacob’s story of Redemption (Genesis 31:11). Jacob has performed sinful deeds, but he is made Prince of Israel by God. Jacob wrestled the Angel and the Angel was overcome.

Musically, I am drawn to Adam’s two-note bass line. This is most likely the simplest bass performance of any U2 song, but its simplicity mirrors the plodding determination of the people in these victimized countries to resist being overcome – militarily, if Larry’s drumbeat is any indication.

Running to Stand Still

Dublin’s teenage population was ravaged in the early 1980’s by rampant heroin addiction. Seeing first-hand what the drug was doing to the city’s youth, Bono was moved to write a few songs of hope dedicated to this tragedy. Bad from The Unforgettable Fire is the first one, and Running to Stand Still is the second.

An understated song, it is the beautiful story of a young girl looking to break free from this terrible addiction. She realizes that her generation is being eaten alive by this plague, and vows to cleanse herself:

And so she woke up
Woke up from where she was
Lying still
Said I gotta do something
About where we're going

The album version, although powerful in itself, does not do justice to the live performance of the song. Do yourself a favor and find a version of U2’s rendition of this song in Sydney during the Zoo TV tour. I get chills just thinking about it.

Red Hill Mining Town

Thacherism spread like a plague across the British landscape during the 80’s. There wasn’t a worker’s union or a third world country that couldn’t be brought to its knees in the Iron Maiden’s view. Red Hill Mining Town is a capsule of the despair Thatcher brought to small industrial towns during her reign.

The nationwide strikes tore families and communities apart. Men were forced to make a moral stand at the expense of their families having bread on the table. It lead to many people to cross picket lines and be labeled scabs and traitors.

A very painful period in modern British times, this song is a testament to the hardships regular blue-collar people suffered through in order to fight the government’s corporate pandering.

In God’s Country

“Desert sky, dream beneath the desert sky”

This song is plastered with vivid imagery contrasting Ireland with America. The New World has sung like a siren to the people Ireland for hundreds of years, and this song chronicles the inherent desire to move towards the greener grass. But as experience can attest, the grass is rarely if ever greener, thus:

Sad eyes, crooked crosses
In God's country

Trip Through Your Wires

To me, this is the weakest song of the album…which is saying something. A bluesy offering about surrendering yourself to your woman in order for her to lick your wounds. I could be wrong, mind you, since I haven’t spent much time analyzing this one. It has never captured my imagination.

One Tree Hill

This dreamy little tune is loaded with meaning for the band. On the one hand it speaks of corrupt government in Chile, and on the other it is dedicated to a friend to the band who was murdered by a drunk driver. Towards the end of the song, you can feel Bono’s emotion spilling over and coloring the song with heartfelt wails. The Edge’s uses an interesting effect on his guitar, making it sound sandpaperish…

Exit

I really love this song. It is dark and brooding, and rightfully so since Bono inhabits the twisted mind of a serial killer for its duration. I’m a sucker for songs with slow buildups culminating in powerful crescendos, and Exit delivers with aplomb. I especially like when Edge’s guitar erupts into a solo, Larry’s cymbals thundering in the background. Best listened to with the lights out, when dark thoughts haunt you.

Mothers of the Disappeared

Chile under Augusto Pinochet was an evil place. People were kidnapped and killed for voicing their displeasure at the dictators authoritarian regime. This song is a tribute to the mothers of these political victims. A hauntingly beautiful song to finish one of the best albums of all time…

Midnight, our sons and daughters
Were cut down and taken from us
Hear their heartbeat
We hear their heartbeat


In the wind, we hear their laughter
In the rain, we see their tears
Hear their heartbeat
We hear their heartbeat

The Pimple, Week 4

The Pimple will be a little shorter this week since I've misplaced my notes on what I wanted to talk about. I'll make up for it with an expanded edition next week.

This has been the best start to a football season I can remember, and it's all because of our new routine. Every Sunday morning, Bruce Mr. Turk drives over from his condo, Sports Chickie and I pile into his car, and we head off to breakfast at The Thirsty Toad. After a hearty breakfast, we head back to my place and watch ESPN Gameday, followed by a day of football. We usually settle on one main match we want to watch (usually Dolphins or Niners), and flip over to secondary games during commercials. It usually turns into a day of bad food (Sports Chickie spoils us with her baking), foul language (we're Dolphins and Niners fans) and sore bodies (my couch is comfy, but recliners would be bliss). I dare say getting into this routine has been our best idea in years.

This past Sunday, however, Sports Chickie was off doing the Run for the Cure (she met her target woohoo!), so it was just Da Boyz (minus Serge the Psycho). We settled in and watched my Dolphins get beat by Mario Williams and the Houston Texans, as well as the Niners get destroyed 41-0 at Arrowhead (somewhere, David DeRosa is dancing). At around 3:27, I turned to Bruce Mr. Turk and said: "This just in: Our teams are not very good". And so this past Sunday marked the realization that in terms of our favourite teams, this season is a wash. Time to identify the positives, trim the fat and look to next year - and time we've got, 12 weeks worth. That's good news for those of you who read this little corner of cyperspace; less Daunte Culpepper and Frank Gore, more Brian Urlacher and Ed Reed.

I'll take up Dr. Z's challenge this week (you'll find in in the Raiders' box) and attempt to pick a winner in his survivor pool. The remaining undefeated teams' schedules look like this:

• Baltimore faces Denver (2-1) at Mile-High
• Chicago hosts the Bills (2-2)
• Indianapolis rolls out the red carpet for Tennessee (0-4), so this one is a double-whammy for Z's pool

The winless teams try to reverse their fortunes like so:

• Oakland travels to San Francisco (1-3)
• Tampa are the New Superdome's 2nd visitors (Saints are 3-1)
• Detroit is in Minnesota (2-2)

Of all these teams, which one will keep a "0" in their record the longest? Undefeated teams are harder to predict, in my opinion, than winless teams. Oakland were able to put up a fight against the Browns, and I think the Browns are better than the Niners so that rules out the Silver and Black. Detroit have been close in a couple of their games against decent teams, so theyr'e out. Tampa are not as bad as their record shows. Tennessee, however, are just plain bad.

As for the undefeated teams I'm obviously leaning toward Indy, in Week 5 at least. Baltimore faces a tough test in Denver, as do the Bears facing the Bills.

Therefore, my pick for the team that will maintain a ZERO in their record the longest is Tennessee. Vince Young faces a long, hard season - he'll be hard-pressed to find a win anywhere. What do you think? Give me your picks in the comment section and we'll glorify the winners when the results are official.

Things to look for this week:

• prescription bottles falling from the sky in Philadelphia
• J.P. Losman's happy feet
• Vegas not taking bets on Indy-Tennessee
• David Garrard sightings
• Paris in the desert?
• Field Goals in the Bay
• Barking at Mile-High

Enjoy the games.

P.S. Congrats to Kimya and Jason, welcoming Baby Eleyna into the world this week. Yes, Jason is now the father of a baby girl. Serge the Psycho, start briefing your boys.

Sens Fail to Show Up

Yikes, that was oogly. Last night's 6-0 debacle to Toronto confirmed my fears of opening night: the Senators are not psyched about this season. By my count only
three players showed any kind of spark last night; Chris Neil, Patrick Eaves and Mike Fisher. The rest of the squad looked like the Men's National soccer team playing in the 2nd half of a match at Azteca Stadium - any fan of fùtbol can tell you that's not good.

So what's the problem? Conditioning? 9 preseason games in eleven days? Lack of motivation after repeated regular season success followed by dismal playoff performances? Hopefully it's not option C. Fans can afford to have a letdown after such experiences - the players are professionals and have to keep on plugging away or they'll end up just like the Leafs and out of the playoffs.

Am I panicking? Not at all. I refuse to be swept up in the emotion of the regular season's highs and lows anymore. Get to the playoffs, get on a roll, and show me something new (as in: get to the Stanley Cup Final). Everything else is just details.

Ok I don't really buy into the last paragraph I wrote, because I was pretty pissed after the loss last night. But rather than dwell on it, let's look forward to the new-look Sabres Saturday night.

NHL Cities: Population

A discussion with Bruce Mr. Turk over the viability of Hamilton as an NHL market made me think to come up with this little table.

1. New York Metro(3 teams): 18.7 million (6.2 million per team)
2. Chicago Metro: 9.4 million
3. Washington DC/Baltimore: 8 million
4. Boston Metro: 5.8 million
5. Dallas: 5.8 million
5. Philadelphia Metro: 5.8 million
7. Toronto Metro: 5.4 million
7. Miami Metro: 5.4 million
9. Atlanta Metro: 4.9 million
10. Detroit Metro: 4.5 million
11. Los Angeles/Anaheim (2 teams): 4.2 million (2.1 million per team)
12. Phoenix: 3.8 million
13. Montréal: 3.6 million
14. Minneapolis/Saint-Paul: 3.5 million
15. St. Louis: 2.8 million
16. Pittsburgh Metro: 2.4 million
16. Tampa Bay Area: 2.4 million
18. Denver Metro: 2.3 million
19. Vancouver Metro: 2.2 million
20. San Jose/San Francisco/Oakland: 2 million
21. Columbus Metro: 1.7 million
22. Raleigh-Durham: 1.5 million
23. Nashville: 1.4 million
24. Ottawa: 1.1 million
25. Edmonton Metro: 1 million
25. Calgary Metro: 1 million
26. Buffalo: 282,864

Possible NHL Locations (by population):

1. Seattle Metro: 3.8 million
2. Portland: 2,127,881
3. Québec: 717,600
4. Hamilton: 714,900 (although all of southern Ontario is a potential market)
5. Winnipeg: 706,900

All figures courtesy wikipedia.org

Obviously, a lot more goes into the equation for a viable hockey market than population. However, it's interesting to note that Portland, who has been rumoured in the past to be interested in an NHL team, lords over the Canadian markets in terms of population. Nonetheless, the future home of the Pittsburgh Penguins (should they move), will have more to do with Mr. Balsillie's personal factors than a city's size.

Québec Crackberries?

TSN reported last night, and the Globe and Mail confirmed this morning, that Peterborough billionaire (these exist??) Jim Balsillie is to become the owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins.


Fans is Canada have a knee-jerk reaction when an NHL team is bought by a Canadian to think "Will he move the team to Canada?", with Québec, Winnipeg and Hamilton inevitably being debated as the best destination.

These three cities are the only ones in Canada, at the moment, that could support an NHL team. In my opinion Hamilton is the best business destination for the team, while Québec and Winnipeg tug at the heartstrings because of the nature of their departure from Canada in the 90's.

From the sounds of the G&M article, it appears Jim Balsillie is exactly the type of owner the NHL needs right now - a hockey-mad billionaire that wants to win. There are definite similatities with Mark Cuban, who also was rumoured to be interested in the Pens. Mind you, if relocating to Canada is in his plans, he's bound to have a run in with NHL brass. On top of that, should he want to call Hamilton home, he'll have to fight a turf war with Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment, as well as the Buffalo Sabres ownership group.


We also can't forget about Pittsburgh in this equation, since it figures to be the biggest player on this stage. With a billion dollars, Balsillie could easily get a desperately needed new arena built, along with all the bells whistles he might fancy. That option is also there for Québec, but he would be expected to move into existing facilities in Hamilton or Winnipeg. Staying in Pittsburgh will receive the full court press from Gary Bettman and the NHL - losing an American market in a sports-crazy town such as Pittsburgh will not be kindly viewed.

My preference? I'm honestly torn between Québec and Pittsburgh. Although keeping Pittsburgh in the discussion may seem strange, I gravitate towards it for purely nostalgic reasons. Wiping out the team that Mario played for his entire career would seem wrong somehow, like how parents must feel when they finally leave the home in which they brought up their kids. Hockey hasn't been the same since it lost the Québec Nordiques, and a renewal of the Canadiens-Nordiques rivalry would rekindle a passion in the province of Québec that's gone completely missing.

Winnipeg, in my opinion, does not have a large enough market for the NHL. Hamilton would be a great move for Balsillie, if he can pull it off. Having another team in the Battle of Ontario would surely be welcome (or would the Toronto-Ottawa rivalry be diminished somehow?). I just don't think it will be possible to elbow MLSE out of the way, and Buffalo might become endangered if Hamilton sets up shop on its doorstep.

In any case, this purchase is superb for hockey, unless Balsillie is some nut job like Islanders owner Charles Wong. Here's hoping he's got more Cuban than Wong in him.

Sens Opener: Running Diary

19:02: Night kicks off with a montage of kids, normal people and hockey players saying: "I want to win the Stanley Cup", highlighted by an 86 year-old who says he's been waiting his whole life to win the Stanley Cup - must be a Leafs fan.

19:06: Tough start to Tie Domi's second career. He had 2 sentences, stumbling and bumbling his way through them. That's what happens when you've never learned to read.

19:07: First mention of Hasek leaving the Sens in the offseason. Tears are shed by Sports Chickie. She loved him, calling him "My Playboy" for the way he flails about on the ice trying to stop the puck. I don't know what that says about me.

19:08: First commercial of the new NHL season is a repeat from last year - Molson's "What a Feeling." Can't expect an American company to go all out for hockey, I guess.

19:15: Live look-in on the Hurricanes Stanley Cup banner ceremony. Banner begins to go up.

19:17: I swear the banner is still rising to the rafters, with canned thunder sounds over top Queen's "We are the Champions". Can we just wipe out the 2005-06 season from the history books? Would anyone question this 20 years down the road? Can't we tell our kids the lockout lasted 2 seasons? Please?

19:23: Pierre McGuire just downplayed how bad the Leafs will be this season. I think he's scared of Domi.

19:27: Gord Miller, in a pre-taped studio appearance, tells us the game is available in HD and 5.1 surround "The way it was meant to be seen and heard". Welcome to the 21st century, TSN.

19:30: THE SCOTTISH ARE INVADING!!!!! No, wait, my bad, it's the 48th Highlanders, and their god-awful noise, ummm, I mean, bagpipes.



19:33: Must be embarassing for Tomas Kaberle to be carded every time the team goes out to strippers. Seriously, does he qualify to play, considering Canada's strict child labour laws?

19:36: The ACC P.A. guy sounds like he should be narrating a Disney movie. "Little did Simba know, Nala was searching far and wide to find him. Much like your beloved Maple Leafs search for their Stanley Cup."

19:44: Now moving on to part 2 of 2 in Leaf player commemorations (zzzzz). Estimated time of puck drop: 21:34. Is Fox Baseball producing this or something? Where's Joe Buck? Seems like a waste of TSN's 37 panelists.

19:54: Sports Chickie just called Marting Gerber "Baby Food". Here we go.

19:54: Puck drops, it's GAME TIME.

19:55: Kaberle a game time scratch, late for his curfew.

19:57: It just registered: Dean McAmmond is an Ottawa Senator. *shudder*

20:00: This looks fantastic in HD. Wow. Bob McKenzie? Not so wow in HD.

20:05: First penalty of the game, to the Leafs for interference. Ron MacLean whines to whoever has to suffer his presence tonight.

20:06: Third appearance of Molson's "What a Feeling" commercial. Another example of a good commercial wasted through saturation.

20:16: Dave Randorf Career Arc:

2000: Anchor for Sydney Olympics
2001-2005: CFL play-by-play
2006: TSN Hockey sideline reporter
2007: TSN Poker Tour analyst
2008-2011: Guy who shines Pierre McGuire's dome

20:22: TSN goes with a Bruce Mr. Turk favourite, bar-across-the-top ticker. Bruce Mr. Turk will be happy.

20:27: With 3:47 left in the 1st period, we get our first "Go Leafs Go" chant. Yeah, the Leafs fans are soooo stoked for this season.


20:31: 1-0 Ottawa. Exhale. Let it be known that one Patrick Eaves scored the first goal of the Senators' Stanley Cup winning season (ahem, ahem...).

20:35: Make sure you check out James Duthie's hilarious blog about his yoga vacation. Thanks to Bruce Mr. Turk for the heads up.

20:53: ACC customers haven't changed one bit: we're 2 minutes into the second period and all the seats behind the players' benches are EMPTY. No wonder the building seems empty - it is. All its patrons are on the concourse swinging business deals or attending to more important matters.

21:02: It's not the regular-season domination of old, but at the halfway point I give the Sens a slight edge. Patrick Eaves looking real good - the TSN crew seem flat-out giddy about him.

21:07: Chris Neil off to as good a start as last season. 2-0 Ottawa!

21:11: No sooner have I called the Sens out do they go up by 3. Same old, same old.

21:13: Charity penalty shot call for Sundin...and...

21:14: ...controversy as the referee says no goal before the puck squeaks into the Sens net. Ref goes upstairs and reverses his call. Leafs will not be shut out this season.

21:27: In the "giveaway" sweepstakes this evening, McCabe leads Spezza 2-0. As bad as he is defensively, he'll end up a Norris Trophy candidate because of his points tally. What a disgrace.

21:30: After two periods, I have to say I'm enjoying the "Baby Food" Gerber era in Ottawa. He seems technically sound and he's made some key saves tonight. Maybe it won't be so hard for Sports Chickie to forget about her "playboy".

21:34: I don't know how I feel about this new NHL promotion campaign, the ones who's tagline is "...here to remind us the season has started". Yikes, I can't help but feel this if for fans in the U.S. who have no idea the season is getting underway because OLN has the games and the other networks have abandoned doing hockey highlights. You shouldn't have to remind us the season is here. It's started at the same time since the turn of the century - the 20th century! The Forsberg one was funnier than the Cheechoo one. Hopefully they'll post them on Youtube soon.

21:57: Ok, I am so going to regret saying this, but here goes: Tie Domi is already a decent analyst. His willingness to rule against the Leafs on a couple of issues was impressive. I'll reserve a final judgement, but so far it's not as bad as I thought. Shoot me now.

22:00 For some odd reason, everytime Michael Peca touches the puck, the Sports Chickie says "Peca, the taco monkey!".

22:10: When Bates Battaglia is out on your #1 powerplay unit, you've got a problem. The Toronto implosion is going to be so much fun to watch.

22:13: This definitely does not feel like the Battle of Ontario. There seems to be little animosity between the teams and the Sens, despite being ahead, seem almost lackadaisical.

22:25: Nail in the coffin: Alfredsson empty-net goal. Same old story in the Battle of Ontario (regular-season edition). Thank you and good night!

Four More Rogers Commercials?

As reported by William Houston in today's Globe & Mail (Insider subscription required), the NHL has agreed to lengthen its broadcasts by about 10 minutes per game. This surely means we will be getting more analysis and insight from our beloved former players turned colour commentators?

Well, yes and no.

The networks will now have a maximum of 40 seconds after goals to dissect the play and give viewers more replays. TV timeouts will extend to 2 minutes from 90 seconds, but miraculously the extra 30 seconds won't be used for commercials. Instead, we will get more replays and features.

However, intermissions have been extended by 2 minutes for a total of 17 minutes. That's 4 total minutes of extra commercial time. "Off the plane and on the train with my Rogers phone..."

At least they didn't mess with the quick faceoff rule, but I'm saddened by the decision to make the games longer. I was quite a fan of shorter games and don't like to see the trend towards brevity reversed.

Check in tonight for my running diary of Sens-Leafs....

NHL Awards Prognostication

You have my picks for the only hardware that matters (Buffalo winning Lord Stanley's Cup), but for the sake of argument here are my guesses, erm - predictions, for individual award winners in this year's NHL.

Jack Adams Trophy

Coach having most contributed to team's success

Gérard Galland, Columbus Blue Jackets

Columbus will experience a true turnaround this year, riding a healthy Rick Nash all the way to the playoffs. Then maybe we'll be able to find Columbus on a map of North America.

Honourable Mention: John Tortorella, Wayne Gretzky

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Calder Memorial Trophy

Rookie of the Year

Phil Kessel, Boston Winnie the Poohs

Kessel will drop right into a pivotal role offence and powerplay, picking up 25 goals and 70 points in the process.

Honourable Mention: Evgeni Malkin, Guillaume Latendresse

Hart Memorial Trophy

Player judged to be most valuable to his team

Sydney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins

The NHL and everyone involved in it, including the media, are fast-tracking Crosby's rise to superstar, eager as they are to have a poster boy. He is formally anointed heir to Gretzky with this award.

Honourable Mention: Jarome Iginla, Brad Richards

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Lady Byng Memorial Trophy

Player deemed to be the most ladylike

Darcy Tucker, Toronto Maple Leafs

Honourable Mention: Mats Sundin, Andrew Raycroft

..

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Chuck Norris Memorial Trophy

Player deemed to defend like Chuck Norris

Scott Niedermayer, Anaheim Ducks

Somewhere along the way, this unfortunately became the award for high-scoring defencement. Ah well, the masses must be fed. Hopefully Niedermayer doesn't roundhouse kick someone to the head with his skates on.

Honourable Mention: Bryan McCabe, Wade Redden

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Maurice Richard Trophy
NHL Goalscoring Leader

Ilya Kovalchuk, Atlanta Thrashers

Hossa and Kovalchuk will work like magic this season. Kovalchuk wins the title with 62 goals.

Honourable Mention: Joe Thornton, Alexander Ovechkin

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Art Ross Memorial Trophy

NHL Scoring Leader

Joe Thornton, San Jose Sharks

Thornton will become the first player in history to win the Hart and Art Ross trophies after having been traded from the team he captained for reasons unknown other than an a penny-pinching owner. Final tally: 113 points.

Honourable Mention: Jason Spezza, Jarome Igingla

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Frank J. Selke Award

Top Defensive Offenceman, or something or other

Mike Peca, Toronto Maple Leafs

All joking aside, I love this award. It sets out to recognize a non-glory type player, one who gives up statistical prominence for the benefit of the team. Unfortunately, this year the award will go to Mike Peca, because there's no way the Toronto media allow the Leafs to get shut out of the awards.

Honourable Mention: Brad Richards, John Madden

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Georges Vézina Trophy

Best Goaltender

Dominik Hasek, Detroit Red Wings

I know it hurts, Ottawa fans, but Hasek will be playing with chip the size of the Rideau Canal on his shoudler. This will spur him to a G.A.A. below 2.00.

Honourable Mention: Martin Brodeur, Roberto Luongo

NHL Predictions, 2006-07

On the eve of opening night I offer you my picks for the upcoming NHL season. Keep in mind that I am absolutely terrible at prognostication, just like most pundits. Without further ado, here we go:


Eastern Conference:


Northeast Division:


1. Buffalo
2. Ottawa
3. Montréal
4. Toronto
5. Boston

I think it will be a battle to the death for second place in this division, with Montreal losing out on some sort of tie-breaker. Toronto will be just as awful as last year, but take solace Leafs fans: you could be the Bruins.


Atlantic Division:


1. New York Rangers
2. New Jersey Devils
3. Pittsburgh Penguins
4. Philadelphia Flyers
5. New York Islanders


Divisional matchups will be of the utmost importance here. Somehow, I think the Penguins will own the Flyers head-to-head this year, and Sydney Crosby will be stellar. He won't win the Art Ross, mind you. In November, the Islanders will fire head coach Ted Nolan and replace him with Dave Allison.


Southeast Division:


1. Tampa Bay Lightning
2. Carolina Hurricanes
3. Atlanta Thrashers
4. Washington Capitals
5. Florida Panthers


Tampa gets back on top after being humbled last year. Carolina will come down a few levels, and Florida will be just awful and in December, Ed Belfour will offer Jacques Martin "one billion dollars" for more playing time.


Playoffs:


1. Buffalo Sabres
2. Tampa Bay Lightning
3. New York Rangers
4. Ottawa Senators
5. Montréal Canadiens
6. Carolina Hurricanes
7. New Jersey Devils
8. Pittsburgh Penguins

Conference Quarter-final:

Buffalo over Pittsburgh
New Jersey over Tampa Bay
Rangers over Hurricanes
Ottawa over Montréal


Conference Semi-final:



Buffalo over New Jersey
Ottawa over Rangers


Conference Final:



Buffalo over Ottawa

Western Conference:


Central Division:

1. Detroit Red Wings

2. Columbus Blue Jackets

3. Nashville Predators

4. Chicago Blackhawks

5. St. Louis Blues

Detroit dominates the conference in the regular season with Hasek playing with a chip on his shoulder. Columbus catches plenty of teams sleeping this year thinking "same old Blue Jackets, time for a night off", enough so to make the playoffs.

Northwest Division:

1. Calgary Flames

2. Edmonton Oilers

3. Vancouver Canucks

4. Minnesota Wild

5. Colorado Avalanche

It's always stuck me that they've bunched all three Western Canadian teams into one division (much like in the East). For rivalry's sake, or to eliminate as many from the playoffs as possible? Hmmmm...

Pacific Division:

1. Anaheim Ducks

2. San Jose Sharks

3. Phoenix Coyotes

4. Dallas Stars

5. Los Angeles Kings

The Kings remain in the cellar. Gretzky squeezes every bit of talent out of his dogs and makes the playoffs, while Anaheim and San Jose are at each other's throats all season. In mid-season, Mrs. Pronger demands a trade because Mr. Pronger has impregnated yet another local. He promptly turns around and says: "We've run out of cities, sweetie."

Playoffs:

1. Calgary Flames

2. Detroit Red Wings

3. Anaheim Ducks

4. Edmonton Oilers

5. San Jose Sharks

6. Phoenix Coyotes

7. Columbus Blue Jackets

8. Vancouver Canucks

Conference Quarter-final:

Calgary over Vancouver

Columbus over Detroit

Phoenix over Anaheim

San Jose over Edmonton

Conference Semi-Final:

Calgary over Columbus

San Jose over Phoenix

Conference Final:

San Jose over Calgary

Stanley Cup Final:

Buffalo over San Jose

Now head to Las Vegas and bet your mortgage on it.